A while back, I posted several ways to start a conversation for the more awkward amongst us. After all, it can be hard to make friends, particularly if everything that comes out of your mouth is complete and utter nonsense.

In a continuation of my effort to help these people overcome their issues and remove themselves from any list of social pariahs they may have been placed on, I have come up with more conversation starters for you. If these do not help you make friends, you’re probably hopeless and should move away from mankind and live with the chimpanzees like Jane Goodall. Chimpanzees are too busy throwing their own dung to care about what you say.

The Official Life and Times Conversation Starters Part II:

-Does this milk smell alright to you? I found it in the dumpster out back…

-Would you like to go halfsies on a package of tube socks?

-I couldn’t help but noticing your mole. It looks very regal.

-Estoy hablando en español. ¿Alguna vez se habla en ninguna lengua extranjera y, en caso afirmativo, ¿cómo son sus habilidades para contar en ese idioma? Sólo puede recibir hasta 113.

-Would you like to see the designs I had shaved into my back hair?

-Just for the record, your toilet cannot flush down a loafer. In other unrelated news, we have the same shoe size…

-This gum still hasn’t lost its flavor. Here, taste it.

-I am a robot from the future. I am here to destroy you…

-How are your masonry skills? I really need to build a wall.

-Who would you rather date: Richard Dreyfuss or Joan Jett? I’d choose Richoan Dreyett.

-John Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt? His name is my name too. What a small world!

-At what point does flatulence stop being funny? I say around the 8 second mark.

-My mom is on the phone. She’d like to say hi.

-I seem to have misplaced my pants. Yours are really comfy though.

Using these is guaranteed to make you the life of the party.