Milk Helps With PMS? Imagine What Chocolate Milk Could Do...

By Andrew Niesen

Dear California Milk Processors Board,

I saw your new advertisement online today, and I must say I was horrified. HORRIFIED!

This ad seems to imply there is a suffering that we men have to be put through on a monthly basis because WOMEN seem to think that men are the worst people in the world when they have PMS.

How dare you! To imply that we men are in danger during “that time of the month” is just rude. And to try to convince us to force the women in our lives to drink milk because of it is insulting. Just plain insulting.

Anyone who implies that women at any point in time are irrational is, without a doubt, the most upsetting person on the planet. I wish you and your family only the worst. I hope... that...

Okay, she’s left the room. Seriously, does this milk thing work? I need to know quickly. She said if I leave my dishes on the table one more time, she would saw off my head with a Taco Bell spork. This wouldn't be a normal issue, except I’m pretty sure she bought some Nachos Bel Grande today, so she might have a spork. I am scared. Very scared. Help me. Please...

Oh, act cool. She’s coming back.

And that’s what I think of your stupid ad. You just leave women alone from now on or you will surely suffer the consequences.



P.S. Seriously, is there a safe place to go? Help me!

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